My mother's life story

MY MOTHER

My mother’s given name is Rae Dianne Richmond.  She was born

on November 1^st, 1936 in Salt Lake City during a snow storm.  Her parents told her she was a ray of sunshine coming down from Heaven on a big snowflake, so they named her Rae.  She had brown curly hair and was a cute but timid little girl.  She was born into the church and baptized at eight years old. My mother, you must understand how she feels about religion in general.  She is, and always has been a deeply spiritual person with Christian beliefs and values, but her father, grandfather, and uncles all smoked and drank coffee, and many church members judge them for doing so.  She felt that it did not matter what religion, she saw so much hypocrisy.  It seemed very shallow to her, and left her dispassionate about organized religions everywhere. She felt they were not judged by how good their character was.  It was Apostle Richard G. Scott that said, “Recognize the good in others not their stains.” 

She had a younger brother Eddie who was born with spina bifida and lived only 18 days.  It was a very traumatic time for her family and although doctors advised her mother not to have another baby right away, one year later her sister, Cindy was born.  Shortly, after Cindy's birth, when my mother was seven, she came down with a severe case of the flu which led to a sinus infection  The sulfa drug had just been developed and was considered at that time to be the new wonder drug, but unknown to everyone, she was allergic to sulfa.  So she was being treated with sulfa, but getting more and more sick every day.  The drug was destroying her blood cells and she became very anemic.  The doctors finally figured it out and she had to have painful liver shots every day for quite a long time to recover.  She almost did not make it.  Thanks to our Father in Heaven she is here.

Mom loved to be with her family and her extended family.  Family meant everything to her and she felt adored by them.  Their homes were always filled with love, laughter, and joy.  It was a wonderful childhood.  Her life was filled with fun and love, as well as music.   Her grandparents used to sing together, barbershop quartet style.  She was especially close to her Uncle Brin who was 11 years older and was much like a big brother to her.  Brin was a great dancer and taught my mom tap dance and ballroom dance.  When mom and dad went to mutual dances at the wards, everyone was very impressed with their moves.  At the age of 76, my mom still attends tap dance class once a week!

Mother became a little more active in school and junior high school.  She had grown into a lovely young woman.  She was a lady.  She did not smoke or drink or go around with the wrong crowd.  In school, she was a good student but struggled with dyslexia and it made her school years difficult and it was one of the reasons that she was shy.  Her problem with dyslexia always made her feel unintelligent, even though she is, in fact, a very intelligent woman.  At that time, schools did not know how to help students with dyslexia and teachers simply thought she wasn’t putting forth the effort.  Dad didn’t understand much about her problem with dyslexia either, and wasn’t concerned about it.

After school, most of her life consisted of being a homemaker.  She loved her job as a mother of four children.  Over the years, Dad opened a number of spas and health clubs, and she often modeled for his brochure photos.  She took dance classes before and after I was born.  Mom has a very creative personality and always had a knack for interior decorating.  She put it to good use in our homes.  Mom also has a great love for dogs, particularly small breeds, like Maltese and Poodles.  My parents’ marriage had some problems but they eventually worked them out through marriage counseling and therapy.  Their marriage was very happy until my dad’s illness. 

We lived in California when I was in middle school, and to help with the considerable cost of raising a family of four, my mother picked up a part-time retail job at JC Penney.  She left retail for some years to work with Dad at the health club, but as financial problems continued and my father's health declined, she eventually returned, this time to work full-time at Casual Corner in New Jersey.  During this time, she developed back problems and was often in severe pain.  However, having never worked a full time job in her life, she was very proud of her success in retail, and by the age of 50, was supporting the family. She was promoted to manager and won many sales and service awards.  (See picture) 

Later on in life, as my father’s illness grew worse, they moved back to SLC.  It was becoming too difficult for Mom to continue to be the sole source of support and care for Dad at the same time.  My dad’s sister Elaine very kindly offered the family home for them to live in, rent free.  It was the same house my dad grew up in on Wilson Avenue in Sugarhouse.  Mom got a transfer from her company and continued to work in SLC in retail management at Casual Corner.  At this point in time, Mom’s parents were aging rapidly and they needed her care as well.  This required 24/7 caregiving.  There were doctor appointments, medications to give and track, personal care, meals, as well as two households to maintain. And although the care demanded so much of her time, she was exhausted, she managed to continue working part-time at Casual Corner.  Mom’s sister Cindy lives in Logan and could only help out a couple of times a month.  My brother Chris and my sister in law Gayle and I helped her as well.  At 62, she had to take early retirement; it had all become too much for her.  After my grandfather and father passed away, she moved in with her mom to continue caring for her, as she could not live on her own any longer.  Although it was an extremely difficult time and she endured for many years (20 years) she would not have ever walked away.  Deep love for family and God’s help got her through.  She believes when the going gets tough, the tough get going.  You take what God gives and you do the best you can with it.

When my dad died, it was such a sad time for my mother, yet also a relief.  He died on her birthday, and it was said among family members, “It’s dad’s gift to you.  You no longer have to watch him suffer or care for him.”  She will always miss him and hold dear the good years they had, but after 20 years of terminal illness, it was time for him to go home to God.  Mom had said a prayer the night that he died for God to take him home.  There was nothing else that the world could do to help him.  Times of passing are so sad and final but there is a blessed relief when loved ones are suffering and you know they will never be well again. 

At their mother's funeral, my mother and Cindy gave a talk, and I'd like to share it here: 

“We never could have imagined that our darling mother’s passing could have been such a sweet experience.  Since that morning, we have reflected on the final weeks and days of her life.  We know absolutely that even though we were not always aware of it, God was leading us every step of the way.  We are eternally grateful for God’s loving hand and guidance through our difficult journey.  This has been such a profound spiritual experience, we feel compelled to share it.  We want all of our brothers and sisters under the Lord to know that God and Jesus Christ, our Savior are there and they are ever tenderly vigilant.  Mom’s last week was becoming more difficult for her.  She had some trouble swallowing and later on she experienced very labored breathing.  Her heart rate was very high.  Cindy and I would lay with her at night and wonder if her next breath would be her last.  We were amazed that her little heart could still go on beating.  She was also semi-comatose.  She was not able to communicate the last 3 days.  We kept talking to her, anyway, as the hospice workers told us that hearing is the last to go.  Wednesday morning we both woke up with the same question on our minds.  ‘Could we be the ones that were keeping her here?’  We felt we had let go of her intellectually but realized our spirits were holding on pretty tight.  We decided to speak our last goodbyes and share our love and thanks for her. We then knelt in prayer beside her and thanked the Lord for our wonderful mother and asked for his blessing.  It was a tender and deeply spiritual moment that we will cherish forever.  We noticed a tiny tear was in the corner of her eye and her chin and jaw quivered slightly as if she were sobbing quietly and saying goodbye to us.  It was so difficult to do, but we felt we must tell her it was okay for her to leave us.  We would be alright.  We didn’t welcome it, but we understood.  We left the room returning just minutes later to check on her.  We saw that her spirit was gone.  As we embraced, Cindy said, ‘She may be in the Savior’s arms right now.’ At that moment an image came to Rae’s mind of the Savior cradling our mother in his arms as he would a child.  Beyond them she could see beautiful green meadows with flowers and trees, golden sunlight and blue skies.  She knew that she was feeling ultimate peace.  Marion (our mother) loved, accepted and worshiped our Savior, Jesus Christ. She prayed constantly in her heart and left us a legacy of faith.  We’d like to express for her what we feel would be her testimony and wish for us.  From the Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi (10:14) a few lines ‘For I the Lord, the King of Heaven will be their king, and I will be a light unto them forever, that hear my words.’”

   

MOM AND DAD’S COURTSHIP

My parents actually met as children, when they became neighbors on Wilson Ave in Sugarhouse.  They were  eight and nine years old.  It was during the winter months when mother first saw a cute little boy playing on a mound of dirt in her back yard wearing a leather pilot jacket and an aviator cap.  Her parents were building a new home with the help of licensed contractors.  Her dad did most of the plumbing work and hardwood floors in the house.  She remembers her dad telling her to go pick up a pieces of wood to bring to him, helping him to lay the hardwood floor in the living room.  Her dad built the mantle as well and did as much as he could to help lower the cost of building a home.  Mom and dad were neighbors and their parents became very good close friends and their families did a lot of things together.  They were playmates but they did not date until in their teens.  Their interest in jazz music was one thing that connected them. In 1952, at 16 and 17 yrs of age, they were married.  (See picture).  During the early years of their marriage, my dad’s business was successful, and they travelled quite a bit.  They traveled to the Bahamas, Jamaica and Europe and sailed on many cruises.  Their marriage wasn’t perfect but who ever heard of a perfect marriage?  Over the years, they separated and reunited on six occassions, but still their marriage survived.  Their example showed that all marriages require work from both people.  My parent’s marriage lasted until dad died of brain and lung cancer in 1999.  They had been married 47 years.  When my dad died it was a very sad time for my mother and not a day goes by without thinking of him.  She misses him so much.  They had been friends since they were children and grew up and did everything together.  It is not often you hear of this very rare type of relationship they had.  Throughout mom’s loyalty, love endured.